Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sunday Rejects

-----Email Message-----
Subject: AWFUL, DISTURBING image

Dear Fred,
I am shocked that you did not publish an appropriate warning before subjecting your readers to the horrifying image contained in your fourth postcard. I know that it is a fake, and that nothing like it exists or could ever exist on this Earth, but that knowledge is not enough to sear it from my retinas.
Thanks a lot, Fred. I hope you burn in hell for this.
- (name redacted)

-----Email Message-----
Subject: "Dr. Phil M&M Man"

I was so unsettled by the "Dr Phil M&M Man" postcard that immediately upon seeing it, I projectile vomited all over the floor of my computer room. My wife, alarmed by the noise, rushed in to check on me. In her haste, she slipped in a pool of vomit and appears to have broken her collarbone. I brought my laptop to the hospital with me so that I could let you know that you ruined my Thanksgiving weekend.

Also, you're a worthless hack and I'm never coming back to your stupid site.

-(name redacted)

-----Email Message-----
Subject: What's the big deal?

I don't know why everyone is making such a big fuss over some postcard on a website. I mean, yeah, that Dr. Phil M&M thing gives me the willies-- but don't you think there are better uses for our energy? People are, like, starving.

-----Email Message-----
Subject: How do you sleep at night?

You have ruined M&Ms for me forever.

(name redacted)

A Message From Fred Jurgens:

Hello, PostRejects readers. I've received a ton of feedback about the card that I posted that contained an image of an M&M modified to resemble Dr. Phil. I really didn't see anything wrong with it when I put it up, but I guess you're all way more sensitive than I am. Whoa, big surprise there.

Anyway, the most important thing to me is site traffic-- I'd hate to keep a card up that drives viewers (and revenue) away. So I added a poll on the sidebar of the site, so you can help me decide what to do. Let your voices be heard or whatever.

Keep clicking those ads,


P.S.- Stay tuned for further developments this week, including a hot new guest secret and awesome PostRejects merchandise!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Guest Secrets, Blog Quid Pro Quo

(scroll down for secrets)

Dear Valued Guests,

As of this day, I am instituting a policy of Blog "Quid Pro Quo," which I'm told is a Roman phrase for "you scratch my back, I scratch yours" (the Romans were apparently both itchy and concise). What this means for PostRejects is that I'm adding a "blogroll" to the side panel of the site. To get on my blogroll, all you have to do is put me on your blogroll. Once you have done this, send me an e-mail at with the name of your site, and I will add you. Then, sit back and watch the traffic roll in!

Also, in an effort to supplement my already-impressive selection of secrets, I am now allowing readers to send postcards directly to PostRejects for me to run on the site. I will post these "guest secrets" on Wednesdays, beginning sometime in the future.

The address:
PO Box 205200
New Haven, CT 06520

Yes, I know that this is several states away from my home state of Maryland. The secrets will be forwarded to me, for security: God forbid any of you loonies ever figure out where my actual mailbox is!

Keep clicking those ads,

P.S.- Join the PostRejects facebook group!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Sunday Rejects


We run a tight ship here at PostRejects, and that means sticking to a schedule. Every Saturday night, after the PostSecret guy posts his secrets, I walk by his house and scavenge through the bags full of rejected postcards for really juicy ones. Then I post them on my site. Like clockwork.

Only today, there was nothing there! It turns out that the guy is "traveling", so there won't be any garbage, or any secrets until tomorrow afternoon. But fear not, faithful ad-clickers-- you'll have your update soon!

Damn his foolish errands! Some of us are trying to make a profit, here...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008